Dear Non-Dairy Creamer:

 

 

You seem to be suffering from some sort of identity crisis.  You should probably get some help with that.  I’m sorry if my unabashed preference for very-dairy half-and-half over you in some way contributed to your current confusion.  You should probably get some help figuring out what’s going on with you.

Good luck and godspeed,

AGSC

 

 

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